Inspiration
Articles to inspire authentic living on the topics of resilience, spirituality, and self-growth with touches of storytelling, depth, and humor.
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2022: Time To Unleash my Inner Child
Sometimes we have plans that can dissolve like sand in our hands in a second. 2021 has been a trying year in so many aspects. Experience has shown me that we always experience a year of constant challenges in our lives' cycles, followed by a time of appreciated growth. I don't know how we ended up with two years back-to-back of continuous blows. I guess I can only speak of myself, but I am exhausted. I have been exhausted for a while, numb, and at times hopeless.
Brave Heart
I have had a good share of hits, as everyone else, I suppose. It is hard for me to think objectively to determine if I have been strong or nor, but I can assume that yes, strength has been one of my prizes and my only way of salvation.
Today as I reflected in many of my life’s events, I realized that really going through something is not a sign of victory. Sometimes we go through because we are carried away and sometimes out of stubbornness. Real victory, the stuff that transform us into superheroes, is not going through difficulties until we can see them in the rearview mirror.
Real victory is to remain open hearted even when our hearts have been broken.
A Blind Eye And An Open Soul
I might be either the most illusory person on earth or I do live in an alternative reality but I do believe that the universe, God, Higher Being, however we want to call it, is always watching after us. That is my safety net! Whatever happens, does so for a reason and a master plan that I don’t necessarily understand at the moment. This allows me to release the reins when the road gets bumpy. Kind of like saying “I am not sure why I am going through this, but I am sure there is a plan that will work on my benefit at the end.”
This approach that I called stubborn optimism had helped me in so many occasions.
And then life decided to play some kind of dark joke on me and my theory went overboard with the ease of an autumn leave on a stormy day.
How I Learned To Walk Through Fire
I wasn’t planning to write about this, mostly because I don’t usually like calling attention to my problems. If there is an universal truth that I am still waiting for one person to challenge is that 2020 has been a very hard year. For me, 2020 probably holds the record as the most-tear-producing year ever. Adjusting to the pandemic, the lack of contact with the outside world, the new economy was actually tolerable. But early July I received one of those phone calls that we ever dread: I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
First of all let me be clear: I am fine, I am cancer-free and in the last part of this chapter. The amount of lessons I collected in this journey had been sitting in my soul and in my journal for the last few months and suddenly I felt the need to share them in case they can help anyone who is going through this, will go through this or knows somebody who is. In this personal odyssey I grew up, I discovered so many truths being revealed with the force of a duct tape pulled from my eyes. People who walk the same path may have a different experience, but these are some of my takeaways.
Don’t Assume: a Prelude To The (Usually) Right Answers
Nothing like being a “why” kind of child to annoy a parent. It is a bottomless well: the more answers you get, the more questions arise. I was that kind of child, and it has taken me hours of therapy and self-help books to understand the effects of that in one’s psyche.
When we are always curious for answers, we are never satisfied with a statement. We need to know where that came from. Why did someone acted that way? Why did we reacted like that? Why that look? Why, why, why….
When I was in my early thirties, I was going through a very difficult time. My head could not get around to understand why someone had hurt me so cruelly. I played different scenarios, tried to put myself in that person’s shoes, questioned if I was in fact the one that was at fault. Through all my years of practicing the “let’s-find-the-reasons” game, I thought that there was always a motive for people’s behavior and even when I did not agree with it, understanding it made it easier to process and let go of any hurt. Was it healthy? I don’t know, but it certainly became a way to understand - and also justify - people’s actions.
While I was in that questioning process, a wise woman taught me a phrase that would become a sort of mantra for me: “don’t fill in the blanks.” It took a lot of repetition until it became second nature. If I did not have all of the absolute information, preferably from its source rather than somebody else’s recount, then I was not going to fill in the black with information I could not prove. I understood that in relationships, as in anything else, we could never take for granted we know the truth or that the other person has understood us unless we talk clearly about it. So, I practiced asking WHY to the people that had me on the dark. (continue)
The sensibility of numbers
Being born an artist is quite a gift. Curiosity is your biggest talent and it is easy to delight in the simplest things because wherever you see there is beauty. There is a certain rawness that comes with it as in order to create artists need to experience, to live, to feel. Yes, I love being an artist with its presents and its challenges. We tend to be boxed into a category of dreamers as if we were disconnected with reality. As in any other profession or lifestyle, that is a generalization and I got proof of it years ago.
When I was about to finish High School, we were asked to take a career aptitude test. My results were somewhat unexpected. There was a tie on two - very different - careers recommended for me: Art and Math. Art was very obvious; Math not as surprising as you would think. The fact was that I love numbers. Math was one class that I always excelled at. I enjoyed solving questions, equations, finding patterns, the fact that there were formulas to solve simple or not so simple problems. Because I had played instruments from a young age, I knew math was interlaced in every musical rhythms and pattern. So, yes, I have always being an artist with a love for numbers, and history has proven that I am not the only one.
Lately, numbers have come to chase me with the force of an axe and I has been forced to deal with the way I relate to them. No, I am not talking about home schooling through the pandemic.
The Threat of Climate Change (Internal Climate Change, That Is)
For decades it has kidnapped headlines. Climate change has come to stay! Scientists have been puzzled by the shift in weather conditions due to global warming. It has made us more conscious of our environment: we now recycle and reuse, refrain from using plastic, donate to environmental organizations, applaud little girls begging the UN to do something to save Earth. Climate change is quite an equalizer: it affects us all regardless of our socio-economic conditions, religion or race. But what can global warning teach us about our internal world? How do we deal with the constant shift in temperatures of our character?
Growing up in Caracas, with its perpetual Spring-like temperatures all year round, was (at least in the topic of weather conditions) pretty simple. By looking for grey clouds or the singing of birds you would know if it was going to rain or not. Should you bring a sweater for the early morning or chilly nights? Do you want to wear boots or sandals (both appropriate at different times of the day)? You could crave a hot chocolate or ice cream, a cold beer or a port? Jackets and shorts could really been wore every month, which means there was no need to have different wardrobes. There was no need to look at the weather forecast. A look outside would tell you if you needed an umbrella or not, the only variable accessory.
About Porcelain Dust and Happy Dances
Growing up - although if I do an open disclosure it has not changed much since then - I used to be a restless child. I had an excess of energy that I could barely contain. I am not sure if there is a scientific name for it but I would guess it would go by the name of JFWES or Jumping and Fidgety When Excited Syndrome. I was that kid that could sit for hours to do art projects, write, read, play music or study but when I was excited, I just jumped and had to move my whole body.
My mother, who is way more passive than I have ever seen, was smart enough to understand that what I had was a force that could barely be contained. So she being the cool mom she was, just let me be. That was until my display of energy had irreparable consequences.
Anatomy of Kite Flying
During the following days, our son asked constantly if we could go outside to play with that flying macaw. We made an effort to understand to fly it better. As I had the reel in my hand trying to explain my four-year-old how we could increase our success rate at the matter, I realized flying a kite is not very different than learning how to live. What can a kite shows us about life?
Living NOW, while we can
Yes, there is not much we can control about our current pandemic situation. But what we can control is what happens inside. At the moment, so many plans are on hold, which feels like a hammer shattering the armature of planners and control freaks. Maybe you don’t fit that characteristics, but you are upset about the vacation you cancelled or then one you still don’t know you will be able to take in the Summer. The world has clicked on the Pause button and we can’t decide when Play will be available. But that is the future and the future is uncertain right now (and it usually is anyways), so what are we left with?
Pinocchio and The Whale
There is no shame on admitting that since a very young age until these days I have always been a fan of Disney stories. I ate the whole plot of the world is difficult but the good ones always triumph, the evil lose and there is always a happily ever after. Before you judge me too strongly, let me clarify that I have grown enough to understand that life is not a Disney story and there are lots of exceptions to the plot we were made to believe.
The world at this exact moment does not look like a fairy tale. I doubt a pandemic will ever make it to a children’s movie. I certainly hope not, unless it is a science fiction story. So how come that in the middle of this unforeseen chaos my mind is going to one of the most iconic children’s stories?
The Forced Vacation
These are challenging times, there is no doubt. At the beginning we make plans, as we always do, to try to deal with this unexpected hand of card we have being dealt. We make a list of projects we will do while we are stuck at home that includes fixing things that were not working at home, remodeling, spring cleaning, rearranging. Maybe we will set apart some time for that bubble bath we always intend to take but never have the time to. We will meditate, write, check on friends, cook as a family, play board games, scan old photos, reread old letters, finish that book that has been seating on our night stand.
After a few days, the real crisis start.