Nothing like being a “why” kind of child to annoy a parent. It is a bottomless well: the more answers you get, the more questions arise. I was that kind of child, and it has taken me hours of therapy and self-help books to understand the effects of that in one’s psyche.

When we are always curious for answers, we are never satisfied with a statement. We need to know where that came from. Why did someone acted that way? Why did we reacted like that? Why that look? Why, why, why….

When I was in my early thirties, I was going through a very difficult time. My head could not get around to understand why someone had hurt me so cruelly. I played different scenarios, tried to put myself in that person’s shoes, questioned if I was in fact the one that was at fault. Through all my years of practicing the “let’s-find-the-reasons” game, I thought that there was always a motive for people’s behavior and even when I did not agree with it, understanding it made it easier to process and let go of any hurt. Was it healthy? I don’t know, but it certainly became a way to understand - and also justify - people’s actions.

While I was in that questioning process, a wise woman taught me a phrase that would become a sort of mantra for me: “don’t fill in the blanks.” It took a lot of repetition until it became second nature. If I did not have all of the absolute information, preferably from its source rather than somebody else’s recount, then I was not going to fill in the black with information I could not prove. I understood that in relationships, as in anything else, we could never take for granted we know the truth or that the other person has understood us unless we talk clearly about it. So, I practiced asking WHY to the people that had me on the dark. (continue)