Catch and Release
by Alfonsina Betancourt
“All fishing is an attempt to catch something you know is there but that you can’t see. ”
— Brandi Carlile, Broken Horses
photo credit @jzoerb
I was holding the reel in my hand with trembling hands, anticipation ramping up at the hope that I would catch something worth keeping. The expectation of finding out what was out of sight filled me as if that fishing line was the connection to the unknown. Then one day, I fished a slimy eel that twirled its body over the line in such a menacing way that I threw my fishing reel down to the blue, warm water of the Caribbean Sea.
Those childhood fishing memories with my family remained as an untouched book on top of an unreachable shelf. Then last year, I witnessed what it was like to experience the anticipation of the uncaught fish.
I have discovered that as an adult, a slimy eel does not seem as menacing, and I have seemed to have lost my patience to catch something that refuses to be found. However, through my adult eyes, fishing has become a great source of life metaphors. And because I could not let the lessons pass, I started finding analogies between the art of fishing and an area of my life that continues to be my savior and my quickest ticket to confusion and sadness at the same time. Fishing, I have found, has a lot of parallelisms with intuition.
Both fishing and intuition require an act of faith. We can’t see what is underwater or what can come swimming in our direction. However, the true fisherman remains loyal to his belief in the ocean’s abundance, regardless of what can be seen at the moment. Isn’t that how intuition works? We trust a hunch, a possibility that can’t be proved or seen, but even then, we keep casting because there is an inner certainty that tells us that what can’t be seen still exists.
Fishing rewards the patient. It is a slow sport that requires dedication, seating in silence, and lots of waiting – at least that has been my experience. Intuition, on the other hand, involves a lot of patience practice. It catches us when we are quiet and in connection with our soul. Sometimes it comes like a clap of thunder that stops us in our tracks. Like, “I have to call this person right now.” Sometimes is more like a whisper that starts getting our attention slowly. Either way, the intuitive path requires endurance because it is only with time that we learn to listen to it. In my experience, the more we trust our intuition, the quicker the process of accessing it becomes.
I could think about an infinite number of relatable concepts between fishing and the intuitive path. However, I would like to concentrate on one aspect in which fishing has helped me make peace with the most challenging part of trusting my intuition: catch and release. At sea, that means that when we hook a fish, even if it took a considerable time, or if it required several iterations, or even if it is the kind of fish we were hoping for, we still release our catch back into the water to let it live longer. Catch and release require surrendering to the result. We have something in our hands, but we depart from it.
When an intuitive experience presents to us, there is a certainty that can’t be denied. Sometimes, the most rational part of our minds wants to intervene to convince us we are crazy to believe in our hunches. That is when all our fears and rational thoughts come rushing in. It takes a lot of practice to quiet those thoughts, to be able to go back to our most authentic selves and hear what it has to say. In my case, intuition feels like a river filled with overwhelming calmness and peace, while rational thoughts come flooded with fear. That does not mean that our intuition only points to positive outcomes, but we feel calm because we know that is what we need for our growth. To give you an example, while I was getting biopsied, even when the doctors told me they were doing it out of extreme precaution but that they doubt they would find anything, I felt this suspicion that they were going to find I had breast cancer. It was not my mind thinking on worst-case scenarios and filling me with fear. It was a recognition that although I would rather not go through that, I knew I needed to cross that path. I felt calm and at peace, and since that moment, I started preparing myself for what was to come. And yes, a couple of days later, the doctor called to confirm my hunch was accurate: I had breast cancer, and yes, just as I sensed the day of the biopsy, I would be fine even when I had to go through a bumpy road.
My criteria for recognizing and honoring my intuition is that it resonates in all parts of my being. How is my body reacting? Do I feel nauseous or even get a pulsating pain? If that is the case, I know that is an intuitive thought I should not trust. On the other hand, if my body feels open and comfortable, I can move on to my next question. What is happening in my heart? If I feel an overwhelming sense of peace in my chest, I know my intuition is speaking. Then I move to my soul. How does it feel? If I feel connected to a force greater than me, then I validate that intuition. Lastly, and I intentionally leave to the end, I check my mind. If I can calm my mind, then I know I can trust that hunch. Our brains love to argue and give us tons of reasons to be afraid. For me, it is the thought of ‘how can I be so stupid to believe that?” or “how can you dare share that with another person without having proof?” That is why I check with my mind at the end. You’ll be surprised how when you have checked with your body, heart, and soul first, the mind becomes more cooperative.
photo: @jeremybishop
Connecting with my intuition is vital to my well-being. The more connected I am with my most authentic self, the more intuitive hunches I get, the more I flow with life, and the better I feel. When I start doubting everything I feel, I rush into the dark terrain of fears, and that it is not a pleasant or productive destination for me. With practice, I have been able to access that peaceful, perceptive knowledge faster and more effectively.
But what happens when our intuition fills us with a certainty we can’t deny, our chest expands, we feel connected to the whole universe in that thought that, although impossible to prove, we have no doubt it is true? We meet somebody, and we suddenly know the role that person will play in our lives, or we visit a place for the first time, and we know that is home, or we see a random person on the street and suddenly sense what they are going through. Deepak Chopra calls it Synchrodestiny as it implies we act on those synchronisms. Tell the person you have just met, start looking for real estate in that area that calls you or say something to the random person on the street. What happens when we are faced with that certainty, and we can’t do something about it? That is when fishing offered me the best answer: Catch and Release.
When I act on my intuition and things don’t go as I thought, I usually go down a steep road to insecurity. The discourse in my mind goes like this, “You made a mistake, you are not to be trusted, stop trusting your intuition at once.” I start doubting not only that hunch but all of the other intuitive thoughts I have had in my life. Yes, it is that dramatic and radical! And then I don’t know what to do with myself. It has taken me a lot of exploration, insightful conversations, and meditation to understand how to deal with that.
photo @danielcgold
The problem with intuition is that it feels so certain that we see it as a failure when things don’t match our expectations. I have realized that to stop trusting my intuition is not the solution, but I should instead RELEASE my expectation of how things are supposed to be. A friend recently told me that that the future is full of infinite possibilities. Whatever we intuited was the truth, but it was also was one of the possibilities. The universe or higher forces know what is the best way for things to work out. And we should just surrender to the possibility that even when we recognize that person we just met or that place that feels like home, maybe it is not in our best interest to pursue any possibility at the moment. Learning to release that certainty to the ocean of possibilities has been so liberating – and still somewhat tricky! Like everything, it is a practice that requires lots of faith, tons of patience and iterations, and lots of humility to let things sink back into the water of possibilities. Intuitions are a great catch, never meant to be held too tight.
I don’t think I have the soul of a fisherwoman, but I do appreciate all the lessons fishing has pointed in my life. I commit to keeping casting my fishing rod into the world of intuition and seeing what I catch. Maybe out of discipline or joy, I am unsure, but I know I am calmer when I can send that bait to the universe while waiting patiently for my prize. I am learning to surrender to the outcome because if there is something that I have also learned through fishing is that sometimes we just need to wait another day, another life, for things to work out the way we sensed they would. There is no need to throw our rods back into the ocean in fear. Sometimes all is needed is patience and faith, and there are many opportunities to learn that in this ocean called life, one catch at a time.