The letter that makes all the difference
The beauty of this modern-age writing is how computers have made editing easy. Long gone are the times when a single letter mistake meant retaking a whole page. Although my dad was a self-taught coder who favored computers from the early 80s - including an Apple IIc unit that would keep our attention like a compact candy factory - I was fascinated with typewriters. Making carbon copies with the inclusion of black paper in between sheets seemed back then like a total revolution. Don’t even start with the addition of red ink that we used for titles.
However, I am very grateful for today’s technology. My fingers move fast on the keyboard, always trying to follow the speed of my thoughts. I am not very good at censoring my writing as it comes. Consequently, I write many typos (well, because English is not my first language if I am completely honest). Word processing, however, makes it so easy to notice. A word gets underlined in red, calling my attention, and it even offers me the suggested right choice. If I allow it, my computer can even change the word to whatever it predicts I want to say without me even noticing. Isn’t that fantastic?
While re-editing a novel I recently wrote, I noticed a mistake. It was just one letter, but it changed the complete meaning of the sentence. Of course, fixing it was very easy. My mind, however, had been shaken.
My intention was to write “LOVING”, but the computer had changed it to “LIVING.” Not a big deal, I guess. But the fact that the difference between both words was a single vowel was interesting. The fact that that vowel was “I” sounded ironic. I went back to my faithful bullet journal (yes, there are things that I need to jot down in order to process them) and wrote both words. What was the importance of all of these?
I write constantly about love, probably because I am an incurable romantic or because I find it to answer most of my spiritual dilemmas and questions. The idea of unconditional love, which is harder and, at the same time, easier to give, puzzles me. Not that I question its value, but rather I find it difficult to process that love, the greatest feeling of all could be defined in such a black-and-white premise- you either give it all or not give it at all. Even when we love unconditionally, should we have boundaries? Do boundaries mean we don’t love with all our hearts?
When I saw the above-mentioned typo, I heard the answer loud and clear. Love is the most infinite emotion. It does not have hard edges; it’s a loop that keeps coming and going; it’s a perfect circle. It makes sense that it is written with an “O”.
But if we change that “O” with an “I,” what do we get? LIVING. Living as in being alive, as in being part of something bigger, as in being present. Doesn’t it make sense, then, that to love fully, we need to include ourselves and put the “I” on it?
Wayne W. Dyer said, “We can only give away to others what we have inside ourselves.” It does not matter how much we love someone; if we don’t love ourselves, that love will never be full and unconditional. Even a mother, believed to be the most unconditional lover of all, will thread love with guilt and expectation if she does not first love herself. Putting everybody else’s well-being before us is not necessarily proof of love because in many cases is the lack of self-love. By loving ourselves, we make the right decisions, step in or out of situations, and remain sane and capable of giving to others - like putting our oxygen masks first on the plane before helping others. If we are broken from overextending ourselves, our love bank drains quickly. By loving ourselves, the good and the bad parts, we understand that we can love others fully, with their lights and their shadows (which is very different from “loving” ourselves so much that we think we are the perfect center of the universe).
“We can only give away to others what we have inside ourselves”
— Wayne W. Dyer
I hope I still have a very long life where I would make many typos. Hopefully, some of them are easy to correct. But if they are not, I promise to keep loving me. As a society, we are so obsessed with the idea that love will bring us happiness. I think love will bring us a fully conscious, mindful life. And for that, there seems to be a formula. Let’s put the “I” on love. Once we learn how to truly love the person we know the most - US- love for others will easily follow. And a life full of love, it’s always worth living.