Winter Wonderland and tears of pride
An ice storm. Icicles form at the tip of tree branches and trunks and leaves perfectly covered in frozen water. The sun came out today after all day the rain yesterday and filtered through the ice. What a spectacle!
Maybe as an act of irony or synchronicity, this morning, I attended a concert by elementary students at my son’s school that was titled “Winter Wonderland”. We decorated the stage with gigantic snowflakes and branches covered in fake snow. The kids performed beautifully, and although my son did not sing, I still cried throughout the whole concert, but I always do, to be honest.
I pictured my son performing there in a couple of years, and I felt my eyes watering up just thinking about it. Excuse me if I sound melodramatic, but seeing him grow is quite exciting. The thing is that I want him to grow, and at the same time, I don’t. I have come to realize how fast time flies.
Yesterday was an emotional day at home. My second daughter was admitted into her first choice college. We were screaming and crying for her with the possibility of seeing her thrive in a place that seemed perfect for her. Our pride bank keeps getting filled. This was an achievement that she did on her own and adds to all the ones each of our kids has reached.
While at the concert, I thought that as happy as I am to see my daughters spreading their wings, sometimes I wish I could freeze time with the same ease as the trees did yesterday. Certainly, one of the biggest advantages of having a baby after such a long time is that it has given me perspective on how fast time passes. While dealing with college and high school issues, we also discuss pre-school problems. I have learned that although the latter ones are important, most of the things that worried me when my daughters were little now seem irrelevant. They have turned out pretty well - again, it has been established that I am a proud mom, so it is easy for me to say that. In this new opportunity to be a mom again, I am definitely more present and less worried. However, I know that sooner rather than later, my son would also be flying to college, so could I just freeze time a little bit and let me rejoice in the sounds of his still-developing voice, in the cuteness of his small feet, or in the moments my daughters ask me for advice or share their favorite songs? Could I just have more of all of these experiences, please? Life passes by quickly, and all we have is the now. There is no way to freeze time or their development, and I would not really want to. I would not even want to freeze myself. I hope I am a better mom and person every day; no preservation in ice is needed because we are all in a flowing evolution.
As I left the concert, the ice was starting to melt. That made me realize that sometimes pride that fills the heart streams down our faces as tears, and we must let them take its course the same way ice evanesces. Time is like water; its appearance changes, but its essence is always the same. Time is not the evil that flies by to remind us of what we have lost. Time is the friend that whispers in our ears that we should enjoy what we have now and be fully present. Time never stays still and so shouldn’t us or our kids. I let my heart melt a little today, and between a few tears, I gave thanks because the sun filtered through me and reminded me of how beautiful each season is, how special each child is, and how short and grandiose our life can be. Because even winter can be a wonderland when we decide to stop and enjoy whatever it brings!